A young mom was lamenting the fact that her three and a half year old son still wasn’t potty trained. He had no interest whatsoever in shedding his diapers. I assured her that he would be potty trained by the time he walked down the aisle! Seriously though, for practically every toddler, this is a short term problem.

According to The American Academy of Pediatrics, there is no set age at which toilet training should begin. They advise that the right time depends on a child’s physical and psychological development. Between 18 and 24 months, children often start to show signs of being ready, but some children may not be ready until 30 months or older. They also advise parents that if their child resists strongly, it is best to wait for a while.

In the case of a head-strong 3 1/2 year old, there are some things you can try. For starters, go to Target, or wherever you and he generally shop together. Take him to the underwear aisle and tell him that he is a big boy now, and big boys are very lucky because they get to wear big boy underwear. He is especially lucky because you brought him to Target where they have lots of underwear to choose from. He can pick whatever he wants….Power Rangers, Batman, Bob the Builder, SpongeBob, etc.

When you get home, let him try on his new underpants. If he can stay dry for an entire hour, he can wear them all day. Be sure he uses the potty first, to help him stay dry for the full hour. At the end of that hour, remind him to use the toilet again, and try for another hour.

He can also help you create a sticker chart that you hang on the refrigerator. Each time he successfully uses the toilet, he can help you place a sticker on the chart. When he reaches ten stickers, he has earned a special treat, such as a trip to the movies, a small toy, lunch at a restaurant, etc.

If he can’t make the first hour, try to understand his state of mind. Why do you think he didn’t make it? Was he engrossed in a TV show or game? Is he just really not interested, even with the new cool underwear? If it’s the former and he really wants to try again, let him. Make the time frame a half hour this time and remind him at that point to try to use the potty. If he just really isn’t ready, don’t push it. Tell him that you’ll wash the underwear and put it in his drawer, and you’ll try again next week.

It is likely that some of his friends are already trained. Encourage a play date where he’ll see a friend use the toilet. That alone might be enough to spark his interest in trying again. By 3 ½ years old, when he decides he’s finally ready, he will likely catch on quickly. He probably does not have a bladder control issue, it’s just that he needs the control to decide for himself when he’s ready.

If your climate is warm, take advantage of it as a great time to train, because you can be outdoors where it’s easier to clean up accidents. Potty training takes time and effort but you have to persevere.

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